Last May I promised a post about how motherhood is going for me…. but it took me forever to actually be able to write this post for a very simple reason, it takes time to actually know how motherhood is going for one, it’s definitely not an instant thing.
Oliver just celebrated his first birthday, I’ve had time to know him, to get used to him, to practice motherhood for a little while and generally get into “the rhythm” of things. as I said, nothing is instant in the world of “new moms” it’s all a learning curve.
For me, it takes a lot of time to welcome new humans into my life, it takes A LOT of time. with that said, arrival of a baby changes things for you in a way that there’s this tiny human, which you created, he has no personality yet, he’s all demands and mostly giving you a rough time – and you have to instantly welcome him into your life, you can’t say “oh fuck off, another day mate.”
It was very tough for me at the beginning – on the one hand, you’re exploding with love for this helpless kitten and on the other hand, you’re like “what the fudge am I even doing with it?” and so, you wait.
If there is one thing I’ve learned in my 32 years on earth, is that time is the key to everything and in this case it plays a big role; the longer I spent with Oliver the more I fell in love with him and the easier it got, as time passed it went from being super tough on both me and his dad to being super enjoyable and kind of like a little miracle to watch as he developed from zero into the funny little creature he is today…. it makes you value every stupid thing your body and mind is capable of doing. damn, I love biology.
The past year with Oliver was a real adventure, getting used to being a parent, not giving yourself a hard time when you sometimes fuck up or do something wrong, and most important, keeping a smile on his little face for as long as possible.
His personality has truly started to emerge in the past few month and every day with him is different then the previous one! He’s a super cheeky-mischievous little dude, with a big smile on his face and even bigger apatite for any type of food imaginable (except for parsnip. he bloody HATE parsnip) who likes nothing more than chasing Lola around the house yelling DAT! DAT! (cat in babyspeak) give us the sweetest kisses, and yell his ass off when something doesn’t go his way which is equally adorable and disturbing.
It feels rather silly writing all these things about him because who know what he’ll be/do a couple of month from now… you know? babies change fast, they learn and grow quickly (too quick, please make it stop) and the bottom line is that nothing’s more important then raising him to be a happy and healthy boy.
I was thinking a lot about how to explain what motherhood done for me or how it changed me; and then I ran into this brilliant old column written by one of my favourite journalists Sophie Heywood, where she perfectly explained what I couldn’t possibly put into words:
“People say that having children brings meaning to your life, but what they don’t explain is that the meaning isn’t the children. It’s you, and what you are capable of. It turns your life up a notch.
I don’t mean that people who can’t have children or don’t want them are missing out – there’s no shortage of people out there who need looking after. Because it’s this nurturing of others, rather than working endlessly on project nostalgia, or project self, that I’m talking about. I used to be a member of Generation Kidult, and I tried a lot of cures for existential angst. It turned out having a child was the only one that worked. No more endless wondering if I really mattered in this world or not; I now mattered so much that I was a celebrity in my own kitchen, and a cog in the wheel of life. Which turned out to feel not boring, but liberating.
Plus, once there is a three-year-old in your life, you have the perfect excuse to eat Coco Pops, get excited about Katy Perry videos full of exploding marshmallows, and roll in all the ball pools your heart desires. You great big idiot.”
and that is that :)