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Grow Up & Blow Away

Hey so, remember when you were 20 and all them adults told you that eventually you gonna grow up and you were like “no way man, i’m gonna stay young until I die!”… well I hate to break down the news for you, but you will, eventually, grow up.
Ofcourse, your spirit will still stay young and all dat carp, but there comes a moment in life when you actually start having adult thoughts and you no longer act like a reckless teen. I know, It’s kinda gross but that’s real life!

But how do you know that you’re growing up? are there any signs? do you feel the change? well, the answer to all these questions is a big fat YES.
I first noticed it when I was supposed to go to a punk show of a band I really liked and played a venue very close to my house, night time has arrived and I was about to get ready to go out when I turned on the TV and the World snooker championship was playing (don’t give me that face, snooker has always been the one sport I actually like) and before you know it I was glued to the screen for the rest of the night. yes, I preferred staying at home watching TV rather than go to a sweaty/awesome/violent punk show. surprisingly, the same thing has happened many times since, I chose to stay home and snuggle on the sofa with my boo and my cat over getting my face on and go out to see a gig. (mind you, I don’t do pubs/clubs or any other social activity that normal human beings usually participate in, I only go to gigs and have been for the past 15 years.)
When I was a youngster in the “scene” back home in Israel, I remember laughing at all these “oldies” (yeah um, they were 30+) that stopped going to shows because life happened saying that “I will never end up like them and I will keep going to shows until my legs can’t carry me anymore!” oh my, what a naive little twat I was; life does happen, and before you know it you’re one of them “oldies” the kids today are pointing at saying they’ll never end up as, but little do they know. Now don’t get me wrong, I haven’t completely stopped going to shows, I only go to a selected few now (and enjoy them just as much as I did the past decade) instead of attending one every weekend like I used to. I’ve given the whole gigs VS. being a couch potato thingy as a silly example, but it obviously goes a lot deeper than that.
I squeezed a growing up process that was suppose to develop during the past 10 years into the past couple of years, in which I’ve grown up ridiculously fast. but I ain’t complaining, not at all. I love my life now a billion times more than I did when I was 20. I love the change that age brought on me, I love the wisdom (or stupidity) that comes with it, and mostly I love being able to look back at the past decade and learn from my mistakes. Hand on heart, I was a real drama queen during my 20’s, with trouble making habits, a manic-depression personality and a bit of a “crazy” thing going on. luckily all of the above toned down so much that I hardly recognise my fucked up former self anymore. I say hardly because some mornings I still wake up to my fucked up former self making a guest appearance, but it’s fine you see… I got her under control now. I guess growing old calmed me down in every possible way, I’m still the same old me but I feel like I am no longer carrying the weight of being fucked in the head on my shoulders because I took that weight and turned it into a life lesson which I’m learning from each and every day. They say it only gets better from here on, so I’m pretty stoked about life and personal growth.
Despite being unstable for the past decade, I always knew how I wanted my life to be eventually. because what does everybody want, really? We all want to be happy with what we have and who we are, and this is my number one priority.
I want to stay happy and positive, I want a loving healthy relationship with the amazing man I choose to be by my side, I want to make a home, raise a family, be content and watch the World snooker championship and be like, totally okay about it.
I wanted all these things since I was very young, they’re slowly becoming a reality as I grow up and it fills me with happiness and gratefulness.

Enjoy your youth, but also don’t be afraid of and enjoy growing up, it’s a fun educational process! :)

* I wrote this post sometime in May during my SF adventure, and it has been collecting dust in my drafts folder ever since, but funny how things go and life, yeah well you guessed it, fucking happens – and suddenly this post make much more sense then it did back than so I’ve decided to post it now after all mainly because of this, but also because I’m turning 31 in a few days and this pile of words feels right, just right.

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12 Comments

  • February 2, 2015 at 16:58
    Héloïse

    I was about 16 when I first saw your photos on Deviantart ^^. I used to follow your activity because I really enjoyed your universe which made me dream and escape from what I was experiencing in a shithole in the North-East of France.
    Then I dropped DA for Fb and I think that was the last time I saw your online photography world.
    But I have a strange memory : I was in London for my 20 and went to David & Goliath on Carnaby street, and I would have sworn that I saw you in this shop.
    But anyway, I’m 24 now, and living in Glasgow, and chance brought me to this website and it was great to rediscover your work and even funnier to read this text about you growing up – cause the atmosphere of your photos first associated to my teenage years is evolving as well, freshly inking itself in my present.
    I hope you the best with growing up, keep on making me dream :) ☼

    Reply
    • February 4, 2015 at 10:59

      awww that was sweet to read! most chances it was me as I really like that store :)

      thanks for sticking around after all these years! xoxo

      Reply
  • November 23, 2014 at 19:58
    Douglas Dunigan

    I liked this post
    Made me smile

    Thought of you on your B-Day
    Hope your day was good to you xx

    Reply
  • November 18, 2014 at 22:13
    Laura

    I’m 20 years right now. So these words come to me in a very good moment. I really appreciate what you say and I can see that you’ve achieved what for me is the ‘goal’ of every soul: to feel peace with the present, learning with the past, and expecting best thing to come. I’m sure there’s nothing greater than that.
    I have to thank you for sharing this thoughts. I’m longing to read your next blog’s entry.

    I wish you and your new born family, the best.

    Reply
    • November 19, 2014 at 11:21

      Thanks hun! enjoy the next 10 years yeah ;)

      Reply
  • November 18, 2014 at 19:58
    sam (elba)

    Hey….we’re all fucked in the head at some point in our lives:)
    I have become a bit of a homebody, too. I wish you continued luck, happiness and contentment on your journey……because you are a good soul and wonderful person (who is the best photographer I know). Be well.

    Reply
    • November 19, 2014 at 11:08

      Thanks S! well, still fucked in the head but in a totally grown up way now =P hehehe

      Reply
  • November 18, 2014 at 19:43

    Couldn’t have said it better myself! This was an awesome post and I think it is a great read for those who have followed you for years and for kiddos that are discovering you now. You have always been such an inspiration to me and it has been lovely getting to know you over the past few years. Love to you and yours! :)

    Reply
    • November 19, 2014 at 11:07

      awww thanks sweet stuff!! ^_^

      Reply
  • November 18, 2014 at 19:33
    verónica reyes

    I’m just 26 yrs old.. Bit i rally undertand your point.. Growing up is great.. There is nothing to be afraid… I used to get mad when my older sister just wanted to spend night watching tv instead of doing something fun.. Now i am spending nights the same way and i am ok with tjat …
    I must say i feel excited for that kind of life (own home, family and adulthood’s responsabilities.. Idk if i’m messing with my english) ..
    I liked you back then but i love how mature you are now :)

    Reply
  • November 18, 2014 at 19:05
    Amanda

    I get how this is. Going through the same thing and I’m pretty excited about it. Breaking my personal walls is fking fab!

    Reply

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