Hey so, remember when you were 20 and all them adults told you that eventually you gonna grow up and you were like “no way man, i’m gonna stay young until I die!”… well I hate to break down the news for you, but you will, eventually, grow up.
Ofcourse, your spirit will still stay young and all dat carp, but there comes a moment in life when you actually start having adult thoughts and you no longer act like a reckless teen. I know, It’s kinda gross but that’s real life!
But how do you know that you’re growing up? are there any signs? do you feel the change? well, the answer to all these questions is a big fat YES.
I first noticed it when I was supposed to go to a punk show of a band I really liked and played a venue very close to my house, night time has arrived and I was about to get ready to go out when I turned on the TV and the World snooker championship was playing (don’t give me that face, snooker has always been the one sport I actually like) and before you know it I was glued to the screen for the rest of the night. yes, I preferred staying at home watching TV rather than go to a sweaty/awesome/violent punk show. surprisingly, the same thing has happened many times since, I chose to stay home and snuggle on the sofa with my boo and my cat over getting my face on and go out to see a gig. (mind you, I don’t do pubs/clubs or any other social activity that normal human beings usually participate in, I only go to gigs and have been for the past 15 years.)
When I was a youngster in the “scene” back home in Israel, I remember laughing at all these “oldies” (yeah um, they were 30+) that stopped going to shows because life happened saying that “I will never end up like them and I will keep going to shows until my legs can’t carry me anymore!” oh my, what a naive little twat I was; life does happen, and before you know it you’re one of them “oldies” the kids today are pointing at saying they’ll never end up as, but little do they know. Now don’t get me wrong, I haven’t completely stopped going to shows, I only go to a selected few now (and enjoy them just as much as I did the past decade) instead of attending one every weekend like I used to. I’ve given the whole gigs VS. being a couch potato thingy as a silly example, but it obviously goes a lot deeper than that.
I squeezed a growing up process that was suppose to develop during the past 10 years into the past couple of years, in which I’ve grown up ridiculously fast. but I ain’t complaining, not at all. I love my life now a billion times more than I did when I was 20. I love the change that age brought on me, I love the wisdom (or stupidity) that comes with it, and mostly I love being able to look back at the past decade and learn from my mistakes. Hand on heart, I was a real drama queen during my 20’s, with trouble making habits, a manic-depression personality and a bit of a “crazy” thing going on. luckily all of the above toned down so much that I hardly recognise my fucked up former self anymore. I say hardly because some mornings I still wake up to my fucked up former self making a guest appearance, but it’s fine you see… I got her under control now. I guess growing old calmed me down in every possible way, I’m still the same old me but I feel like I am no longer carrying the weight of being fucked in the head on my shoulders because I took that weight and turned it into a life lesson which I’m learning from each and every day. They say it only gets better from here on, so I’m pretty stoked about life and personal growth.
Despite being unstable for the past decade, I always knew how I wanted my life to be eventually. because what does everybody want, really? We all want to be happy with what we have and who we are, and this is my number one priority.
I want to stay happy and positive, I want a loving healthy relationship with the amazing man I choose to be by my side, I want to make a home, raise a family, be content and watch the World snooker championship and be like, totally okay about it.
I wanted all these things since I was very young, they’re slowly becoming a reality as I grow up and it fills me with happiness and gratefulness.
Enjoy your youth, but also don’t be afraid of and enjoy growing up, it’s a fun educational process! :)
* I wrote this post sometime in May during my SF adventure, and it has been collecting dust in my drafts folder ever since, but funny how things go and life, yeah well you guessed it, fucking happens – and suddenly this post make much more sense then it did back than so I’ve decided to post it now after all mainly because of this, but also because I’m turning 31 in a few days and this pile of words feels right, just right.