I spent most of my 20’s hating on anything baby related. the last time I’ve dealt with/held a living breathing baby was when my little brother (now 19) came into the world when I was 12. I did my fair share of nappy changing at the time and swore to never do it again as an adult.
I always thought babies are annoying, noisy, messy little humans, and as far as my hatred for actual humans goes, I figured a tiny version of them would be even worse! so there I was in my late teens and into my 20’s telling everyone how I’ll never have a baby, how motherhood is not for me, and so on. Truth is, I just loved and enjoyed my quiet, uninterrupted ,responsibility free life/lifestyle and I was so self-centred that I just couldn’t see myself welcoming anything or anyone else into this equation…. until I woke up one day mid 2013 to discover I’ve gone from Get that baby out of my sight to Ohhhhh look at that cuttttee babyyyy over night. What the actual fuck!? I thought to myself as I started speaking in a high pitched voice and get all marshmallow like to the sight of every single baby on my TV screen, am I going mental? IS THIS REAL LIFE? my insides started to feel funny from that day onward, and by funny I mean my biological clock has been fitted with a brand new batteries and was ticking so loudly that it was kinda hard to get a proper night sleep.
Last June, the boy and I spent an entire week in paris. one of my favourite places in the world and also, a very romantic place. well, I don’t do romance. what I do instead, is sexy time. and what we did during our week in Paris? oh you guessed it, many many mucho sexy time. Newsflash! turns out when you spend a week behaving like a bunny-wabbit you eventually get all pregnant n’ stuff. oh snap.
I was very happy and excited and scared and all kinds of predicted human emotions when my pregnancy started, and how did it go you ask? well, let me NOT tell you all about it! to make a long story short I will direct you to this article with a title that clearly indicates nothing;
“Why I hated every blobbing moment of being pregnant” – I think reading this article really made it somewhat easier for me and also made me wee my pants laughing because it pretty much described the way I felt and what I was going through perfectly!
As if I haven’t suffered enough for 9 month, the time has come to get that babe outta me… oh joy! 23 hours of excruciating pain (the kind of which I never knew existed) full on mind/body numbing drugs (laughing gas + morphine = yabadabadoooo!) and for desert, being rushed into the OR for an emergency forceps birth (as in, holy shit did that thing just go into my vagina?) so imagine all the fun I’ve had! *insert the most cynical emoji*
But then he was out. and they put him on me. he started crying and screaming and I… I didn’t know what to do with all those feelings I’ve been feeling right at that very moment. It was like fireworks. it was like the best kiss ever. it was like climbing mount Everest and reaching the top. it was like falling in love only billion times stronger.
Before the big day and while I was still in a oh-i’m-gonna-have-a-wonderful-birth-experience state of mind, I asked my better half if he could please document every step of the way with the 5DMKII because clearly, photographer-me only cares about documentation! and so, he did.
The painful truth is that even a couple of weeks after Oliver was born I couldn’t bare looking at the photos from that day without bursting into tears… see, I was so drugged up I honestly don’t remember 80% of what went on that day (thank fuck for that) and suddenly I have this pile of photos that brought all this pain, agony and flashbacks from hell back to life.
It took me a while to actually be able to go through them with a clear mind (or should I say, stable hormones) and I wouldn’t lie if I say these are the most emotional pictures of me ever taken, which is only natural because what is giving birth after all, if not the most powerful thing in the world?
I thought about whether or not to make them public and decided that most of them are just way too private and I would like them to stay that way, but as painful as this series turned out it also has the happiest ending, so I will share just a few of them.
(all photo credit goes to my husband – who bravely watched me screaming my face off but still somehow managed to operate the camera!)
Oliver Green was born on March 7th 2015 at 11:27am in London, and weighed 8lb 6oz.
How motherhood is going for me you wonder? well, that’s a whole new different post….
so stay tuned & check out my Instagram for daily updates in the meanwhile! :)